‘The Guardian’ are currently presenting a list the ‘Best 100 Number Ones’ and stringing it out over a number of weeks. Seemed like a good idea. Maybe,
After thinking about it, I reached the following conclusion.When you get to a certain age, who is Number One ceases to matter.

More importantly – there is a time of life where it really, really does – and, for the most part, my list reflects the time in my life where one would listen to the new chart on Radio 1 on a Wednesday morning and then go into school to debate the news. (Depth of debate usually either ‘brilliant’ or ‘crap’).

Selecting 100 Number Ones over 60+ years is essentially meaningless. If I had to rate what I thought the best 10 hit were musically then the list would be different. If you to bring in significance and context (and how folks will judge you) and all that stuff – another list entirely.

I’d love to say that ‘Anarchy in the UK’ defined my life when it came out. But it didn’t. I was way too young – and frankly frightened of all that scariness.

The conclusion is that the only truth is your own. So no ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ here. Nothing by The Beatles, The Stones or indeed anyone before 1979. No epoch defining classics (well, maybe a couple)

It’s when this mattered…

‘Are ‘Friends’ Electric?’ Tubeway Army (June 1979, aged 11)

Every Thursday Top of The Pops was such a big deal. When this came on, out of nowhere (at the time this was when I discovered who was Number One), it scared the pre-teen shit out of me – this was as frightening as music had ever got. He looked so……cold.
Despite all that, the haunting tale of ‘the friend I left in the hallway’ and that ninth high note in the riff just stayed in the brain. What was so new in terms of the keyboards sounded classic combined with guitars and drums.  Without realising it, the world had changed.

 

‘I Don’t Like Mondays’ Boomtown Rats (July 1979, 11)

I nearly joined the Boomtown Rats fan club. I wrote to them at 44 Seymour Place, London asking for details,  but I had spent my money on the stamp to enquire about membership – and couldn’t afford the 40p required to join.  An older, cooler lad I knew swore blind that the Rats were punk and seemed genuinely pissed off when I laughed in his face in front of his Mum.  He looked so deflated. They would have loved to be have had the crew of punk – but in fact, they were far too good musically to be in the gang. They were a pop group, no matter how much they didn’t want to be. A haunting ‘based on a true story’ of a teenage girl turned school shooting spree killer with an equally chilling video was the high water mark of their career.

 

Another Brick in the Wall Part II’ Pink Floyd (December 1979. Age 11/12 (December birthday)

My Year 6 teacher, Mrs Beardmore brought in a copy of “Dark Side of The Moon’ and then got us to write a story in response to ‘Brain Damage’.  It was not an afternoon that was full of laughter – but it was life-changing. We didn’t always see eye to, Mrs B and me, but on this occasion she got it right and a life long love affair began. (Between me and Pink Floyd, not me and Mrs Beardmore, obviously. Although to be fair, I asked if I could take the LP home and tape it – and after asking her husband, who was clearly the owner, she said yes.)  So when they went to Number One that Christmas – it was like ‘cool, my new favourite band scores big hits all the time’, No, not really.  Apart from the band, this got me into animation and graphic art and demonstrated that a guitar solo can be way better and more important than lyrics. Finally saw the movie about 3 years later. Was convinced it would be amazing. An early lesson is how life can disappoint.

 

 

‘Atomic’  Blondie. (March 1980. 12)

‘Heart of Glass’ and ‘Sunday Girl’ seemed to belong to other people. ‘Atomic’ was the Blondie hit that came just at the right time.  Emerging fascinations with music, girls and nuclear weapons all came together with a killer riff and slightly androgynous lyrics.

 

‘Ashes to Ashes’ David Bowie. (August 1980. 12)

Bowie’s last truly great single, although at the time, it might as well have been his first.  For the last time in his career he was legitimately at the cutting edge of popular culture, but for a 12 year old, he was a weird bloke in a pointy hat who had made a great song.

Looking back, even if he did recruit extras for the video from the ‘Blitz’ nightclub, even if he was looking to the likes of Steve Strange for styling cues – the song captured the moment where Major Tom became a major star and Bowie proved himself to be the light that guided the New Romantics. That and the fact that he was always at least two steps in front of them.  For ‘Best appearance by a bulldozer in a music video’ the nominations are…

All this came to light later, of course. For me, Bowies career started in 1980 and worked backwards. For me, this was the best thing her ever did. Everything after was a pale imitation.

 

 

‘Stand & Deliver’ Adam and The Ants (May 1981)
My age: 12

The pop star of the age. ‘Kings of The Wild Frontier’ might have had a darker edge – but this was a bit punk, a bit glam, very daft and totally mind-blowing – when you’re 12.
‘The Devil take you stereo and your record collection’ sound way better that ‘smash your iPhone and delete your Spotify’.

 

‘Don’t You want Me’ The Human League. (December 1981 Age 12/13)

Avant garde synth pioneers go pop. Massive intro riff, dual voiced narrative, but the fascinating ‘play within a play’ video sold the package brilliantly and you could shout along with the chorus. Other efforts we more musically interesting, but the band wanted a hit – which they got and went from the NME to Smash Hits, never to leave. Suited me just fine. I could always find the arty stuff later in life.

 

‘Come on Eileen’ Dexy’s Midnight Runners.  August 1982 Age: 13

Much as as I would love to claim that ‘Geno’ rocked my teen world, it didn’t. Who the hell is this bloke, Geno? That was a slow burner for me. Around this time we had ‘Going Underground’ ‘Two Much Too Young’ and ‘Tainted Love’ all at Number One. All massively cooler tunes to be referencing. This is the sound of the school disco, the anthem where you jump and down with your mates totally unselfconsciously singing along to frankly fuck-knows what. Genius.

 

Do They Know it’s Christmas? Band Aid December 1984 15/16

The legacy is a mixed one. It spawned the charity single as a concept, Live Aid happened as a direct result – and although the careers of Queen and U2 benefited way more than Ethiopia from the gig, the Christmas single was one of those phenomena where the UK comes together and agree that something is good and needs supporting.  This was such moment for my generation – and despite its flaws, made us all slightly better people. Today, the video today is a documentary capturing a very different age. Sobering to see so many faces either no longer with us, who whose stars have inelegantly faded since, but a time-capsule of humans being positive.

 

Firestarter. The Prodigy (March 1996. Age: 28)

Didn’t get it to start with. All the kids at school got it – and by now I’m not one of them any more –  teaching them, and what the fuck do kids know about music?  And then I did get i and was able to share something a bit dangerous and anti-establishment with people half my age.  Turns out that the kids were right all along. Got me back into ‘the now’ rather than wallowing in ‘the then’. Keith Flint’s finest, maddest,most iconic hour. Sadly missed.